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3.14.2005 | link |

manic monday  

it feels thick and warm like summer today. maybe that's why i'm a little manic. my antsy-ness makes me want to sneak out of work and do something meaningful. yeah, i said meaningful. not my usual summer-ish yearnings like wanting to smell the ocean or feel my bare feet on the cool grass. never fear, there'll be a bounty of those yearnings in june.

i feel restless for better reasons, i guess. i usually get frustrated with my dad’s restlessness. he always has to be doing something. doesn’t matter what. he carries around this hair-on-fire burden, as though his time is running out and he has to fill it with as many useful things as possible. but i think i can understand how he feels. maybe everyone feels that way at some point in their lives. and i’m afraid i've inherited this burden from him.

or maybe i’m just an overly-distracted idealist with time management issues. for example, yesterday i spent an hour searching online for serial numbers for the vintage schwinn i bought last weekend (in case you're as distractible as i am, it looks just like this one!). then i tried to do some writing for a story i’ve been working on and am completely excited about. then, practically in mid-sentence, i decided it was the perfect time to research the polaroid land cameras i’ve been interested in. i started looking at all the pretty cameras and getting that butterfly-belly feeling: the happy/excited/burdened feeling i get when i think about all i want to do but can’t do fast enough.

no sooner had i felt this way, i realized guiltily that i had decided i was going to label and package a big box of gifts i’ve been meaning to send to india for a long time. but before long, i found myself running out to the store for a few more gifts. i got back so late and tired that i nearly passed out on the couch watching the simpsons.

my point is, i didn’t “complete” any of the things i started. i know/hope i’ll finish them eventually. but it’s so anticlimactic. it’s like listening to 10 riveting stories at once, but absent-mindedly walking away before you hear a single ending.


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