i want to hold my nose and jump in the deep end like a canonball. i want to push off the side with my feet and shoot quickly to the bottom. i want to hear water getting heavier. i want to look up at the blue sky waving brightly above me and spotted sunlight twinkling in the water. i want to feel the roughness of the pool floor with my toes. i want to float to the surface and be met with warmth on my eyelids, the sun baking my shiny shoulders and drying droplets of water on my cheeks and eyeslashes.
but I can’t. i’m at work right now. and the hot neon light hums softly overhead, blushing my face with a sickly greenish glow.