the cold smell of my window air-conditioning unit has been triggering a bittersweet...something. a sense of loss—i think it’s nostalgia. i usually turn in on, lean directly into it and let it cool my face. it smells delicious and i'd gulp it in if i could. in the otherwise smothering summer heat of my second-floor apartment, it is Instant Comfort.
but this is the smell that's been stirring up a vague longing for last summer, of all things. i can’t even really remember what i did last summer. i moved into this apartment. there was lots of chaotic packing and unpacking, organizing, rearranging. elliot and i were together, a lot. but nothing really happened.
maybe it was newness. a beginning, and the excitement that accompanies expectancy. or maybe it was nothing at all other than life being life. but whatever it was, it was good. because now, i miss it. and the cold air-conditioner smell is giving me sharp pangs of yearning all over my heart.