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6.24.2003 | link |


“i want to be ok. but it’s hard.”

i read that line on a blog a while ago, but i can’t remember where. i do remember it was written by a indian/chinese/muslim girl from singapore. and i think it’s great writing. so simple and honest.

i want to be ok. i tell myself i’m ok. everything’s ok. everything great. life is good. i’m not being sarcastic. i'm not complaining. nor am i whining. (just want to be clear.) last night, i even had a dream about gene wilder. (and i made him laugh.)

but today feels almost exactly like last tuesday. i’m in a phase that feels like forever both backwards and forwards.

today, like most days, i’ve remembered to bring my id badge to work. i’ve made small talk with my coworkers. i’ve made the necessary phone calls and replied to the emails. like most days, i’ve put on my headphones and tried to focus on writing copy. (work wouldn't be so bad if it didn't take up so much of my time.) but like most days, i've suddenly pulled the clipboard out of my backpack and jotted down the thing i just thought about—the completely non-work-related thing.

the "thing" is the task or possibly-inspired idea that i want/must/need to do at a time when i'm supposed to do that sort of thing (not now). i do the jotting down of the thing in between quiet moments when it looks like i’m concentrating on my job, staring at the computer monitor. and the "clipboard" is the one with green paper that i carry around in my backpack and it has PROJECTS written across the top. one that is progressively getting messier with scrawled notes and thicker with printouts of ralph waldo emerson essays and diy articles.

is carrying around a clipboard with my projects cute or geeky? guess it could go either way.

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