i haven't felt like writing, although i have it in my head that writers are usually moved to write when they're feeling bad or blue or angry...negative feelings and/or experiences are supposed to fuel creativity or something. like artists who get most inspired when they're feeling depressed and use their art to express their depths of despair. wait--is that right? maybe it's not depression that fuels. maybe it's the more passionate emotions like anger or confusion or intense pain.
whatever. i still don't feel like writing. i tend to write when i feel neutral or lukewarm. and lukewarm is a luxury i can't emotionally afford right now. (lukewarm is a funny word.)
instead, i've decided to write down some of my ideas and projects (and the details of aforementioned ideas and projects). write down the bits and pieces that have been floating around in my brain these past few months. all the hopeful little things that turn up in my mind whenever they please and demand my attention--usually at times when i can't do anything about them (at work, for example).
writing these things down helps me feel like i'm actually accomplishing something. writing these things down helps me feel like i'm moving forward and actively doing something more meaningful with my time. with my life. so i'm prioritizing them, categorizing them, bullet-pointing them, gathering them up in my arms and wrapping them up with pretty bows.
but i just realized something: after people die, they're usually not remembered for the books they needed to buy, or the closets they should've organized, or the sewing they wanted to learn. they are not remembered for the evening classes they were kind-of interested in or their systematic plans of action for the next 6-9 months. they are remembered for who they were, what they did, and whose lives they touched.
it doesn't really matter about "being remembered"--that's not the point. the point is: how does one go about living a meaningful life?