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8.09.2002 | link |


friend-who-hates-ants asked what prompted the memory of our road adventure yesterday. the longing, i told her. for being carefree and riding out to amarillo on a whim.

my mind’s been swimming in a series of senseless whys lately. for example:

why do i yearn for stability, then become bored with it?
why do i keep doing something that has me watching the clock?
why, as i’ve gotten older, have i stopped feeling immortal and invincible?
why do i keep forgetting that i’m going to die one day? (and not live life to the fullest)
and sometimes, why do i keep remembering that i’m going to die? (so i live life in fear)
why—when i have so much to be grateful for—do I feel so discontent?

maybe that’s why. because maybe if i didn’t have it so good, i wouldn’t have time to contemplate this nonsense.

ugh. i annoy myself sometimes.

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